Meet the Reindeer
by SweetDeamon
Summary: Nothing untoward had happened since Teddy had arrived home from Hogwarts for the holidays this year. So far there had been no manically jingling elves, no traumatised Santa Claus, no mass snowball fights, no exploding cans of fake snow and as of yet nothing had come hurtling down the chimney or splattered anything or anybody with ammunition of the culinary kind. So far. RLNT AU.


**Meet the Reindeer **

It was the night before Christmas Eve in the chilly town of Eddington, and in the Lupin household the upcoming festivities had left fourteen year old Teddy Lupin to lie sprawled upon the rug before the fireplace, staring at the Christmas tree, lost deep in thought.

His father, sat in an armchair and struggling to concentrate on reading the book in his hands, was finding the teenage wizard's thoughtful expression cause for deep apprehension.

Indeed, Remus Lupin was bordering on certain that, with Christmas mere days away, apprehension was a very mild thing to be experiencing, given the chaos and destruction that seemed to plague the festive season every year thanks to one Teddy-related misadventure or another. Nothing untoward had happened since Teddy had arrived home from Hogwarts for the holidays this year. So far there had been no manically jingling elves, no traumatised Santa Claus, no mass snowball fights, no exploding cans of fake snow and as of yet nothing had come hurtling down the chimney or splattered anything or anybody with ammunition of the culinary kind.

No indeed, everything had been perfectly calm and pleasant.

So far.

But Remus was certain that it was only a matter of time before something happened. Something awful, something unfathomable, something utterly ridiculous and infuriating...

Panic would be a far more appropriate feeling right now, the werewolf mused as he gave up reading one paragraph and turned the page. Panic, horror and embarrassment of some kind...

They'd strike him any moment now, he was sure...probably round about...

"Dad?"

Now.

Remus sucked in a deep breath and attempted to keep his expression neutral.

"Yes?" he said, not daring to lower the book so that he could glance at his son, because he knew that tone of voice, he knew the sort of infuriating mischief that was laced throughout that single syllable, the way he drew the word out just long enough to make Remus flinch in anticipation...

"I've been thinking." Teddy said, kicking one leg idly up into the air, narrowly avoiding knocking a cluster of baubles from the tree.

Merlin, his father thought, grip upon the book tightening, this was without a doubt terrifying news...

"About Christmas." Teddy clarified cheerfully.

Alarm bells began to ring deafeningly inside Remus' head, and it took a great deal of effort for him to calmly lay his book down upon his knees.

"Oh?" the werewolf said, quite resigned to whatever awful fate Christmas had been assigned this time round, and Teddy frowned deeply and wondered:

"D'you think Santa Claus is a wizard, Dad?"

Remus thought back to the previous year where he had watched his son, dressed in oversized boots, a red dressing gown and a beard constructed of a wayward squirt of fake snow, hurtle down a chimney and out of a fireplace upon a wave of squashed and ruined Christmas presents. He mentally shuddered and concluded with extreme confidence:

"No."

"But he must be!" Teddy protested, sitting bolt upright upon the rug. "How else does he visit every child in the world in one night or...or have a sack big enough for all those presents?!"

"It's very simple, Ted." his father informed him dryly, offering the boy a raised eyebrow. "Santa Claus isn't bound by laws of physics, magic or any other science..."

"Why not?"

"Because he is a fictional character."

"Dad! I know Santa isn't real!" Teddy exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation, and Remus tried to go back to his book, muttering meaningfully:

"I should hope so too, at the grand old age of fourteen. You're much too old for _any sort_ of Christmas nonsense!"

"Santa Claus isn't nonsense, Dad. I'm just saying...surely if you're going to make someone like that up they need to be plausible!"

Remus let out a heavy sigh. His nerves simply couldn't take it a moment longer...

There came the sound of a lock clicking, before out in the hallway the front door swung open, and a raucous chorus of the well-loved Wizarding festive song Jingle Spells burst forth into the house, causing Remus to abandon his book upon the arm of his chair.

"You're mother's home rather early." he observed as Teddy scrambled to his feet, and the two of them made a beeline for the hallway, whereupon they found Dora Lupin stood just inside the doorway, stamping the snow from her boots, thick, fur-lined winter cloak of deep blue hugged tightly around her shoulders.

The Deputy Head of Aurors paused mid-song to offer the other two-thirds of her family a bright smile, greeting:

"Wotcher, loves!"

"You're back early." Teddy told her as she reached to push the hood back from her head, revealing a carefully sculptured head of icy blue hair that had stayed impressively untouched by the garment, and as he went to press a kiss to her chilly cheek, reaching to unfasten the cloak, Remus wondered:

"Did you have a good time?"

"Oh yes," Dora said, reaching to grasp his hand to stop him in his tracks. "I left Jasmine stood on the drinks' table attempting to form the Aurors into some sort of impromptu Christmas choir..."

"Goodness..." Remus murmured, struggling to keep even a remotely straight face. "How _did_ you bear to tear yourself away, darling?"

"Oh it was easy, Sweetheart. She was demanding Bertie and I sing a duet!" Dora recalled, eyes twinkling in amusement, and with that she pulled Remus' hands back down to his sides and concluded: "And anyway, it's getting terribly late, don't you think?"

"Perhaps..."

"I'm surprised you're still up, Ted!"

Teddy frowned deeply as his mother turned to tug another garment down from the cloak stand beside the door. Pressing it into Remus' arms, the witch offered her husband a grin and whispered:

"Put that on, go on!"

"Why?" Remus wondered as Dora swept down the hall to slide an arm around Teddy's shoulders, promptly ushering him towards the stairs with a murmur to two, and with that she paused to turn and offer her husband a raised eyebrow.

"Because it's bitterly cold out there." she informed him simply, before: "Come on, Ted, up to bed. They were handing out chocolate, look! I've brought you back a slice of cake, too..."

As he watched Teddy disappear upstairs, an entire day seemingly gone by without any festive hitch, Remus felt a sudden wave of relief. He glanced down at the coat in his arms uncertainly before reaching to slip into it, wondering quite what was going on as he did up the buttons...

Upstairs, Dora pushed her son's bedroom door firmly shut behind the two of them and turned to regard her son seriously.

"Everything alright, love?" the witch asked, leaning back against the door and folding her arms non-too casually across her chest, and as he dropped down to sit upon the edge of his bed, Teddy stared at her blankly.

"Yes...?" the teenager said, entirely bemused, and his mother frowned at her boots for a long moment before deciding:

"Good! Glad to hear it! It's just...you know..."

"No?"

"Well I just thought Dad looked a bit..."

"A bit what?"

Dora puffed her cheeks in consideration, still gazing at her boots, only to look up and fix her son with an abruptly stern look.

"I _do_ hope you've been behaving yourself, Ted..."

"What?!" her son exclaimed indignantly, sitting bolt upright at her sudden attack.

"...because I know what you're like..."

"I always behave!"

"Oh come on, love. It's Christmas!"

"So?!"

"Well you have a habit of getting a bit over-excited, that's all..."

"Over-excited?!" Teddy cried, leaping furiously to his feet so that he could more easily scowl at her. "Me?! I'm...I'm fourteen years old, Mum! I don't get...get over-excited! I..."

"Alright, alright!" Dora said, waving a distinctly tipsy hand at him in an attempt to make him settle down. "You don't get over-excited. You're just a pain in the arse! Better?!"

"No!"

"Well I don't really care what you want to call it, Sweetheart. I'm just saying Dad and I would like a...a nice and normal Christmas...no...s_illy business_! Else it'll be a lump of coal in your stocking and bugger all else, alright?"

Teddy simply gaped at her.

"It'd come in handy when I burn those Chocolate Frog cards of yours." his mother went on, seemingly rather pleased with the notion, and her son finally managed to snap:

"You're awful! You know, _Carrie's_ mum would never threaten to do something as downright horrible as that!"

"Well Carrie's mum didn't give birth to Christmas' answer to Lord Voldemort, did she Sweetheart?" Dora pointed out cheerfully, entirely undermining his rage by stepping forward to ruffle his hair fondly, and the boy let out a huff and informed her:

"You're drunk."

"Only a little and it's not a crime." Dora insisted, leaning to press a firm kiss to his brow. "Trust me, I've read a few books about it. Now get some sleep, won't you? We've a busy day tomorrow! A busy and entirely chaos-free day..."

"Mum!"

"And Dad and I are just popping out, alright? We won't be long..."

"Where are you going?" Teddy wondered, dropping back down to sit upon the edge of the bed again, and his mother waved another dismissive hand and assured him:

"Not far! But you'd best floo your Gran if the house catches fire or anything of the sort!"

"When will you be back?"

"An hour or there abouts? By which time of course you'll be fast asleep, won't you love?"

Teddy failed to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at her, but this only seemed to make her laugh as she headed back onto the landing, calling:

"Goodnight, love!"

Dora took the stairs back down into the hallway two at a time, concrete proof to her awaiting husband that she had indeed been drinking for she had more sense than to attempt such a manoeuvre sober.

Remus took an expectant step towards the foot of the stairs, just in time to catch her as she tripped and fell down the final few steps. She collapsed against him, burying her face in his chest to stifle a snigger, and once she had planted her wayward feet more firmly upon the ground she drew back a little to look up at him.

"Hi," she greeted a little breathlessly, grinning broadly, and as his arms came to rest comfortably upon her hips, the werewolf murmured:

"Hello..."

She rose unsteadily upon tiptoes to press a lingering kiss to his lips, only for him to lean back a little to inquire:

"Are we going somewhere?"

At the question, the grin reappeared upon her face in an instant. She grabbed hold of his hand and half-dragged him towards the door, flinging it open triumphantly as she led the way back out into the cold night outside, hissing:

"Come on!"

She led him down the driveway and down the road towards the green around the corner, slowing their pace a little so that she could tuck her hand into the crook of his arm, her head coming to rest against his shoulder.

"I just thought," she said, still grinning broadly, "we could do with a...a moment, that's all."

"A moment?" Remus echoed as two figures in thick wooly hats and scarves came striding along the pavement towards them, and Dora gave a chuckle and said:

"Yes, a moment. You know...just the two of us. Just in case."

"In case of what?"

"In case something happens."

"In case what happens?"

The couple paused so that she could lean to peer up at him through the darkness, her expression suggesting that she thought this question quite dim, and Remus found himself mumbling:

"Oh...yes."

"Yes."

"In case Teddy happens."

"Exactly."

"Of course."

They exchanged a long, knowing look that left laughter to bubble in the pits of their stomaches, only to be distracted by the two boys passing by them as they greeting:

"Good evening, Mr and Mrs Lupin."

"Good evening, Thomas, Timothy..." Remus managed as Dora simply let out a giggle, and despite him slight bemusement, Timothy Winters offered:

"Merry Christmas!"

"And you!" Dora exclaimed enthusiastically in an attempt to stifle her amusement, and Remus was quick to tug firmly on her arm to get her moving again.

"Where precisely are we going?" the werewolf wondered a moment later as they rounded the corner, only to stop dead in his tracks, instead concluding: "Sweet Merlin..."

"Happy Christmas, Sweetheart!" his wife whispered, hugging his arm tightly, and as he stared at the fairy-light adorned ornamental sleigh set upon the grass, a silver tray adorned with a pair of glasses and a bottle of champagne set carefully upon the seat, Remus found himself wondering:

"Where on Earth did that come from?"

"I borrowed it." Dora told him proudly, leading the way across the road and onto the little green. "The sleigh, anyway. I didn't borrow the champagne...that's stolen!"

"Stolen?"

"From work."

"Oh..."

"Everyone does it."

As they stopped to inspect the spectacle more closely, Remus found himself shaking his head in a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

"The sleigh belongs to Mrs Mackintosh across the way. She had it in her front garden, I asked if I could borrow it." Rushing forward to retrieve the champagne bottle, the witch demanded: "Sit down, then! Quickly, before we both freeze to death!"

As he consented to stepping up onto the festive ornament, wincing a little as the metal groaned a little under his weight, Remus was forced to confess:

"It doesn't seem terribly stable..."

"We're only sitting down, aren't we?" Dora laughed as he nevertheless turned to offer a hand to help her up beside him. "What's the worst that can happen?"

This, Remus felt, was a fair point. It seemed exceptionally reasonable a moment later once the pair of them had sat down, she curled up snugly against his side as he took the bottle of champagne from her, squinting at it through the darkness.

"Haven't you already had rather enough of this for one evening, darling?" he wondered as she shifted to get comfortable beside him, and there was a thoughtful pause before he felt her hot breath tickling his ear as, voice laced with sudden mischief, she suggested:

"Why don't you pour me a glass and we'll find out?"

Back in the house, Teddy Lupin was wide awake.

He couldn't go to sleep. He simply couldn't.

He was just far too irritated!

Pain in the arse?! Him?!

It was ridiculous, the metamorphmagus thought as his rolled over in bed, shifting irritably beneath the sheets. It was ridiculous, wrong and downright rich coming from his mother of all people!

Teddy's mother was the biggest pain in the arse ever to grace the Earth. Teddy knew this because he'd heard Minister Shacklebolt bellowing this fact at the top of his lungs via Howler just a week previously. And Minister Shacklebolt was right.

He had to be. He was the Minister of Magic, after all. If the Minister of Magic was ever wrong about something as simple and obvious as this then he probably wouldn't be in office in the first place. And Minister Shacklebolt had been in office forever...

_Tap tap tap..._

At the soft sound coming suddenly from his bedroom window, Teddy shifted to sit up in bed, blinking.

Half a second later the young metamorphmagus jumped to see a long stick appear, tapping again at the glass.

After giving himself a second to get over the shock, Teddy scrambled out of bed and went to open the window. He reached to swat the wayward branch away before leaning carefully out into the darkness, squinting towards the house next door, where he spotted Carrie Winters leaning precariously out of her own bedroom window, grasping hold of the other end of the long stick.

Carrie Winters grinned.

Teddy Lupin grinned back.

"What're you doing?!" the wizard hissed as the muggle set about the precarious business of return the branch to it's useful perch below her window cill, concentrating hard on not dropping it to the ground.

"I can't sleep!" Carrie hissed back, reaching to hug her dressing gown more tightly around her, and Teddy gave a huff and reminded her:

"Santa and his elves won't be coming until tomorrow night, remember!"

Carrie leant further out of the window so that she could better smirk at him.

"Santa and his elves won't be coming within a million miles of Eddington thanks to _you_, Teddy Lupin!"

And with that, the pair promptly dissolved into laughter, struggling to keep the noise down. Eventually Carrie sobered enough to confess somewhat grimly:

"We're leaving for my grandparents' house in the morning."

"Oh..." Teddy said, face falling a little, only for his best friend to assure him:

"But we'll be back before New Year. Mrs Gregson next to you is having some sort of awful, stuffy New Year's Eve party...are you going?"

Teddy found that it was now his turn to look smug.

"Nope, Mum and Dad declined. We're spending the night at Ron and Hermione's instead!"

Carrie's face contorted in a mixture of pure hate and jealousy, not lessened when Teddy reminded her:

"Uncle George is bringing enough fireworks to blow us all back a century! You'll probably see them from Mrs' Gregson's living room window..."

"Don't Ron and Hermione live all the way in Hampshire?"

"Exactly!"

Carrie attempted to screw up her face a little more, but her facial feature were already well and truly creased.

"I could write and ask if you could come with us, if you like?" Teddy suggested temptingly, and the muggle slumped against the window frame and dutifully mumbled:

"No, you'd better not. Mum would be cross. She's already cross because Dad forgot to pick up the turkey for Grandma today..."

"Well better cross than drunk!" Teddy muttered irritably, and when Carrie offered him a raised eyebrow he told her: "It was the Ministry Christmas party earlier. Mum's had far too much to drink! She frog marched me up to bed and...and started saying all sorts about...about how I'm too over-excited about things which is just a lie..."

"Well..."

"And when I said she was wrong she said I'm a pain in the arse!"

"Well..."

"Rich coming from her, isn't it?! And I hadn't done anything wrong!"

Carrie failed to suppress a snigger.

"I don't know, Ted," she said, gazing non-too innocently out across the street. "She sounds sober enough to me..."

"Don't be wicked!" Teddy exclaimed, folding his arms firmly across his chest. "Anyway she and Dad have gone out somewhere, she wouldn't even tell me where they were going!"

The two teenagers stared out into the darkness for a long moment in silence, before Teddy recalled:

"You're leaving in the morning?"

"That's right."

"I haven't given you your Christmas present!"

"Oh..."

Teddy leant to snatch the dressing gown up from the end of his bed and as he pulled it on he hissed:

"Come on! I'll meet you on the driveway!"

Carrie's eyes widened a little as he promptly disappeared away from the window.

"Teddy!" she hissed, tapping urgently at the glass. "Wait! Everyone's asleep and it's freezing out there!"

But Teddy was already halfway the the stairs.

Carrie sighed heavily and went to retrieve her shoes...

Dora Lupin shifted under her cloak with a shiver.

"Should've brought a hot drink!" she moaned, nevertheless reaching across her husband's lap towards the champagne-laden tray, only for her gloved fingers to fumble...

The tray slid determinedly off the side of the sleigh and Dora drew a sharp breath as Remus' hand darted forward to snatch up the bottle, sending a generous dousing of bubbly liquid to splash Dora straight in the face. The glasses, all hope gone, went flying, shattering upon the frosty grass, the tray joining the chaos half a second later.

Dora, mid-curse, spluttered, only to find herself heading steadily southwards herself as Remus struggled to keep his balance, the bottle flailing in one hand as he fell sprawled across the seat, Dora landing atop him with a muffled _oomf_.

The sleigh gave a hefty clunk.

There was a sizeable pause in which husband and wife attempted to gather their bearings and, in Remus' case, what little breath that had not been knocked from his lungs by his wife's abrupt descent, before Dora finally muttered:

"Bugger!"

Remus attempted to sit up, but Dora was an entirely dead weight.

The witch let out a loud groan, face buried in his coat.

"Sorry, love..." she muttered despairingly, and despite the throbbing of his back, Remus glanced down at the bottle in his hand before deciding:

"No harm done."

"I think I've rather ruined it." Dora confessed grimly, only for Remus to reach to settle a comfortable arm around her, insisting:

"Not at all, darling."

The werewolf took a generous swig of champagne from the bottle, and upon hearing the liquid sloshing around the vessel, Dora shifted just enough to catch sight of him.

She promptly dissolved into giggles.

"Can't let it go to waste, can I?" Remus reasoned, grip upon his wife tightening, only for her to scramble until she was leant over him, leaning upon her elbows.

"Gimme that!" she demanded, snatching the bottle from his hand and spilling a generous splash of champagne on his coat in the process. She took a swig herself, choked a little, before setting it with surprising care down where their feet ought have been.

"You're as bad as I am." she said, reaching to press a hand to his face, gloved thumb scuffing the stubble upon his cheek. "We're setting a terribly example..."

Remus yawned widely, gazing up at the night sky above them.

"Only if we get caught." the Marauder reasoned, and she was forced to bury her face in his chest again to stifle her amusement.

"We reek of a terrible example." she informed him a moment later, and he raised a sleeve to his nose to confirm this suggestion, nostrils assaulted by the stench of spilled alcohol.

"Merlin..." he muttered, much too sleepy to sound any more despairing than that, and she sighed and recalled:

"Dry clean only, this cloak. I'm crap at that, you know, and Merlin knows what Mum or Molly will have to say when I take it to them!"

"Don't fret, I can do it."

"No you can't. Last time you tried a spell like that you shrunk my favourite jacket so small it was good for a house elf and nobody else!"

"I gave it to Hermione, she was rather chuffed..."

"Don't be such a git!"

"I'll sort it, honestly!" Unable to come up with a more concrete argument, he reached to prise her away from the front of his coat so that he might catch her lips against his instead.

"You taste of a bad example too." she informed him rather breathlessly a minute later, and he sighed contentedly and observed:

"It's an empty stocking for me this year, then."

"Oh yes! You're a disgrace, love."

"Indeed I am. And I've never been prouder..."

The sleigh groaned as Dora flung her arms around his neck, shifting to crash their lips together, only for the pair of them to freeze to hear the distinct sound of something metallic striking the bottom of the sleigh with a soft tinkling noise.

"What was that?" Dora wondered, straightening up a little, only for Remus' grip upon her waist to tighten.

"I think perhaps a bolt or two have come loose." the werewolf guessed, shifting carefully to eye the rather rusty structure upon which they were sprawled, and Dora's brow furrowed deeply.

She gave the situation a moment of serious but inebriated thought, weighing up the situation which to her mind had more to do with a lack of kisses than suspect mechanics...

"I expect it's nothing." she said, and he agreed with not a thought at all:

"I expect you're right."

Dora leant back forward to kiss him again...

_Clunk! _

The front of the sleigh lurched downwards, something beneath them fell to the grass with a thud and Dora swore as she was forced to fling an arm sideways to grasp hold of the back of their perch.

"Um..." the Auror began uncertainly...

_Snap!_

And before either witch or wizard could so much as utter another word, the sleigh gave an abrupt jolt forwards, snapping free from it's brittle binds hammered non-too securely into the grass. The sleigh hurtled across the grass towards the road, flinging it's passengers back against the seat, and as Dora attempted to cling on for dear life Remus fumbled around in desperate search of his wand...

It clattered to the floor of the sleigh a moment later as they careered wildly towards the road, and upon spotting the glare of headlights from an approaching car, Remus failed to resist the urge to swear colourfully.

"Shit!" Dora half-screamed, lunging for the werewolf's wayward wand, and for the briefest moment Remus prepared to heave a sigh of relief as she managed to snatch it up into a clumsy gloved hand...

He didn't catch wind of her chosen muttered spell, but he could only assume she'd chosen entirely the wrong one.

The sleigh picked up such sudden speed that it was like a bullet from a gun, and Remus half-pushed his wife from atop him so that he could throw himself up into a sitting position, grasping on to the rusted metal carriage for dear life as a car horn blared and there came a terrible screech of brakes...

His eyes grew as wide as a werewolf caught in headlights. Which he was.

He was vaguely aware of Dora scrambling to sit up beside him, just in time to throw herself back down again as the car hurtled towards them...

Merlin, Remus thought wildly, what a way to go...

The brakes screeched.

The driver of the car screwed his eyes shut.

Dora screamed.

Some way down the road, Teddy Lupin had just proudly pressed a carefully wrapped box adorned with ribbons into Carrie Winters' shivering hands. He'd spent a good half an hour getting the wrapping paper perfectly neat and aligned and it had taken him an absolute age to do battle with the self-tying decorative ribbon he'd fished out of the family's box of Christmas supplies. He'd wound up with three neck ties, the last of which had almost strangled him, and had tied his legs together twice. It had all been entirely worth it, however, because the result looked an absolute picture!

At the sound of a blood curdling scream piercing the air, Carrie promptly dropped the present to the ground. The box crumpled disappointingly.

Teddy sighed.

"What was that?!" Carrie cried, spinning around towards the source of the noise, and Teddy dragged his gaze away from the mass of ribbon and festive paper to follow her gaze.

There was an odd scraping noise growing steadily louder as if something, goodness knew what, was approaching the two teenagers at a great speed.

Teddy and Carrie exchanged a brief glance before bolting towards the end of the driveway...

A rather rusty, haphazard contraption vaguely akin to a sleigh appeared to be hurtling down the road towards them, a tangle of twinkling fairy lights flailing in the wind, thrown back from the sleigh by such firm forward motion, and there appeared to be a muggle number plate dangling precariously from the tip of one of the front runners. There also seemed to be two people sprawled one way or another upon the seat...

Carrie squinted.

"Ted...?" the muggle said as the pair of them watched the sleigh shoot past the driveway and on down the street.

"Mm?" Teddy said, leaning forward a little so that he could watch the sleigh's progression towards the end of the road.

"Was that...your_ dad_?!"

Teddy frowned deeply, and then said:

"Um..."

_CRASH!_

The sleigh's trip was at last cut short as it crashed into a garden wall, sending one of it's passengers flying over the top and head first into a garden hedge. Though they were quite some distance away, the two observers still heard a voice shriek:

"MERLIN'S BALLS!"

Remus Lupin slowly released his iron-like grip on the edge of his seat, before reaching to clamp a hand to his throbbing forehead which he had just succeeded in butting hard against something cold and metallic. He groaned, eyes screwed shut for a moment, before silently thanking his lucky stars that a sore head was all he had to show for...for...whatever the bloody hell had just happened...

"Dora...?" he said, not daring to open his eyes, and when his wife did not immediately respond he hastily scrambled to his feet, eyes wide open. "Dora?! What..."

He found Dora just in front of him, or at least he found her legs. The rest of her appeared to be buried head-first in a bush.

Remus rushed to help her back onto her feet, which was accompanied by an awful lot of cursing and swearing. Once foliage-free, Dora was forced to lean back against their wayward transportation in an attempt to steady herself. Despite having been buried in the bush head first, she looked rather as if she had just been dragged through it and several of its neighbours backwards.

"Are you alright?!" Remus asked, attempting half-heartedly to brush the dirt and twigs from her hair. Two rather substantial twigs appeared to be stuck fast. Coupled with a slightly bloodied red nose Remus thought she looked...well...oddly festive.

She took a moment to look down at herself before confessing:

"I reckon my wrist's broken..."

"Merlin..." the werewolf muttered, reaching to examine the joint in question with careful fingers, and as he did so Dora saw the lights go on in the house before them.

"Bugger," she moaned, wincing a little as her wrist twinged uncomfortably. "Someone's woken up!"

"It was bound to happen. But it won't matter, we'll just tell them...you know..." Remus mumbled vaguely, only for Dora to wonder:

"You don't think anyone actually _saw us_, do you?!"

"I think that's highly unlikely, darling." Remus assured her, and Dora sounded relieved to agree:

"Yes, you're right. I'm sure nobody did..."

It was then that they heard the unmistakable patter of slippers upon concrete and they both looked up in dull resignation to spot their son and neighbour sprinting down the street towards them.

"Oh bloody hell!" Dora hissed, eyes widening in utter horror at the sight of them, and Remus straightened up, attempting to fix a...a...

He didn't know what sort of look to fix on his face. The only thing he could think of doing was looking in the other direction.

"Can we Obliviate them?" Dora wondered wildly, reaching to rake a hand though her hair in the vain hope it might look casual.

"No."

"Are you sure? Because you know, I reckon between us we could do a decent job of it..."

"It's illegal, darling."  
>"Well yes, of course it is! But...well...they'll <em>never<em> let us forget otherwise! And it'd only be this _once_, wouldn't it? It'd only be a _teeny weeny_ bit illegal..."

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" Teddy demanded as he and Carrie skidded to a halt, the muggle very nearly running straight into the metamorphmagus' back, and Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times before settling on:

"Er..."

"Only a teeny weeny itsy bitsy bit!" Dora put in hopefully.

"Well?!" Teddy demanded, his hands flying to his hips in a terrifying imitation of his mother, who visibly took a step backwards.

And Remus again opened his mouth to offer some sort of reasonable lie, but only one thing sprang to mind:

"Ho ho ho...!"

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my readers!**


End file.
